Why We're Safe from an Alien Invasion...

I’ll tell you why the aliens have never invaded...

Because, it’s not really much of an accomplishment to conquer a society that chooses to watch a program like MTV’s “Jersey Shore”. There's no pride there, they'd be the laughingstock of the galaxy:

"Hey man, we just conquered Earth!"
"Isn't that the planet with "Jersey Shore?"
"Err... yeah... But, we enslaved all their people and quelled all resistance and --"
"Yeah? Well I filed my taxes today -- four months before the deadline... So, you tell me who had the bigger day."

You see what I mean?

It’s like walking through a forest, turning over a log, and finding a bunch of worms. The reaction is, “Cool, some living things! I’ll capture them and take them as pets-- oh, wait. They’re slimy and they subsist on a mainly “rotting wood” diet. I think I’ll just flip the log back over and let them wallow in their awful existence.”

So, it looks like we’re safe for now. We just have to make sure that MTV continues to provide a steady stream of deplorable, mindless, base programming to throw the aliens off the trail and disgust them enough to leave us alone.

Of course, the danger is that we’ll end up ingesting too much of these shows and become a vapid, vain, and vulgar society intent on getting everything we want instantly and with no consequences.

What a terrible existence that would be...



Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to max out a credit card to buy some fashionable electronic that I don’t really need and will become obsolete in a month. Ta!




[pack and get dressed before your father hears us, before all hell breaks loose]