Up... is Down?

Yesterday, I tweeted a promise that I would expound upon a preposterous idea; An insane notion; A crazy hypothesis.

What if gravity suddenly, and without warning, reversed itself? Instead of pulling us towards the ground, it would propel us with as much force towards the heavens.

Apocalypse, right? I know, it totally would be.

Here's the sitch: I've been mulling this scenario over in my head for years now (I'm not a paranoid, I just get bored a lot during class) and I figure the key to survival is a simple matter of right place, right time (and backflips, more on that later). For instance, if you're anywhere outside, you're in for quite the ride with the end most likely occurring due to hypothermia or asphyxiation caused by being propelled straight into the ionosphere.

So, that brings us to tip #1: Stay indoors.

But even the great indoors can be hazardous to your survival chances. Say you're in some grand building, the Mall, for instance, well, look up at the ceiling. Imagine climbing up a ladder to change one of those light bulbs, or squeegie one of those beautiful skylights. Pretty scary, right? That's a long way up. It would also be a very long way down if the gravity were to suddenly flip-flop.

So, tip #2: When indoors, make sure the ceilings do not exceed 10 feet.

Granted, that may be a hard tip to follow, after all, the Mall can be a pretty happenin' place, but you'll just have to do without it if you want to survive. You just have to decide how important your safety is to you. Besides, the shut-in lifestyle can be very rewarding. Think of all the facebooking you can accomplish!

However, even a 10 foot fall onto your head is enough to paralyze, if not kill you. You may want to go ahead and layer your ceilings with a thick foam so as to reduce then impact to your skull. In fact, it may even be a good idea to pad the walls and the floors too. You never know what could happen.

Tip #3: Don't trust anything that isn't bolted down.

And I mean bolted down. When the gravitational reversal strikes, you have to remember that it wont be just you rocketing towards the sky, but all your stuff as well. My advice would be to make sure that your heaviest items are strapped down good and tight, and you may even want to go so far as to strap some essential items to the ceiling right now for easy access post-apocalypse. It's not weird... It's just being prepared.

So now that you've locked yourself in your house, unable to hear anything happening outside because of the heavy layers of padding, with an oven and refrigerator strapped to the ceiling, you can rest comfortably knowing that you're safe.


And that's what it's all about.

Tip #4: Sit back and enjoy your life, free of danger.


You're welcome


[Instincts are misleading. You shouldn't think what you're feeling]